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in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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