Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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