I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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