You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
