i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
