I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
