I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
