Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
