I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Someone came in the potted fern
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
