If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
