Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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