Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
