And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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