So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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