I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
