It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
