not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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