He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
