I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
