how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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