I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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