I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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