Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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