He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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