we have officially lost it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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