my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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