Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
