The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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