We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
