This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
