I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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