We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
