i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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