And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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