Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
