i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My ATM looks so different sober.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
