i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
