yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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