Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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