I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
