this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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