I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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