Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That was an excessively violent trivia night
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
