My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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