I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything