i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.