your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
