I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
