he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
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After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.