oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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