I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
