Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
