ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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