Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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