shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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