Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize