I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
