I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
