I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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