Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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