I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
