Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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