Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
