Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The best revenge is premature balding
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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