my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
