Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
