you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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