Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
