I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
