I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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