Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
