I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
