He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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