You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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