Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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