Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
