woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize