I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
