Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
operation have a gay friend backfired
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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