You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
