I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
