My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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